Mud, Humvees and Ninja
by Colby-Triggerhappy
Summary: Colby gets assigned a ordinary patrol mission and Ino tags along with him but the patrol turns out to be anything but ordinary.


Humvee 1 Ninja 0 (I don't own anything)

It was a calm early spring day. Snow still covered the ground but the buds on the trees were just barely starting to come out. Colby is a new ninja to the Leaf village who uses not-so-ninja fighting styles and the boyfriend of Ino Yamanaka. Colby stands at 6 foot 1 inch with a slim but built frame woth brown hair and brown eyes. He was on his way to Hokage tower after been summoned by Naruto. Walking up the stairs he passes Shikamaru.

"Hey. How's it going Colby?" Shikamaru asked

"It's going pretty good. Just wondering what Naruto wants." Colby said as stopped just outside the Hokage's office door.

"I heard there has been something going on, on a back road heading up the mountain. " Shikamaru said. "Pretty troublesome if you ask me. Nobody uses that road anymore."

"Sounds like a fun road." Colby said sarcastically. Shikamaru chuckled.

"Yeah,"

"Cya later Shikamaru." Colby said.

"Later." Shikamaru said as he walked down the stairs. Colby turned to the office door and knocked once

"Come in!" Naruto called out from behind the door.

"You wanted to see me?" Colby asked as he walked in and Naruto looked up from a pile of papers.

"Yeah I did. There is an old logging road that goes up the back side of the mountain. Nobody ever uses it and occasionally Bushy Brow and Guy Sensi will use it. I've gotten reports of unusual activity along that road. I figured you and your Humvee would have no trouble patrolling that road." Naruto said as he handed Colby a piece of paper with the reports of the unusual activity on them. Colby looked them over carefully.

"I've been on that road once before but I didn't go the entire length. The part I was on was easy going, but my Humvee and four wheel drive should get the job done no problem." Colby said with a grin as the idea of having a chance to work and have some fun mudding with his Humvee crossed his mind.

"Ok. I want you to gear up and start today. It's an easy mission but none the less be careful and don't roll that rig of yours. A section of the road is washed out but how badly I'm not sure of." Naruto said, Colby grinned and nodded.

"Yessah." Colby said and he left the office and headed back home.

Back at the house Colby's older sister Suzanna, and younger sisters Amanda and Ivory with Ivory being the youngest, were hanging with their boyfriends Kiba Inuzuka, Shikamaru Nara, Konohamaru respectively were hanging out with Ino reflecting on how the winter carnival had gone and the fun they had. Ino still had a shade of brown oil grime on her arms and was trying to wash it off in the sink.

"Gease Ino I didn't think that oil would stay on you for this long." Amanda said with a grin as she watched Ino try every soap in the kitchen to get the oil off of her arms

"Yeah me neither, but Colby somehow manages to get it all off in one shower." Ino replied as she gave up and shut the water off and sat on one of the bar stool seats at the island counter in the kitchen.

"Speaking of Colby he is just up the street." Suzanna said "Can't miss the smell of oil. He always reeks of it. No matter what, sometimes I wish my sense of smell wasn't as good as a dog's" Kiba nodded in agreement. "Working on his Humvee all the time and working at the repair shop he can't get away from the stuff. I swear he showers with the stuff some days" Kiba said.

A few moments later Colby walks in and heads up stairs taking two steps at a time, and not saying anything. Ino looked to the group then looked up the stairs before heading up the stairs after him.

"What's up with him?" Kiba wondered out loud.

"So what did Naruto want?" Ino asked as Colby changed into his camouflage uniform and grabbed a set of wrenches from his tool chest in the closest. Colby smiled like a little kid as Ino came up from behind him and gave him a hug.

"I have been assigned a mission to basically go mudding for the next few days." Colby said as he set the wrenches down on the bed and turned around and wrapped Ino in a hug and kissed her.

"Mudding?" Ino asked confused.

"Yeah, mudding it's a lot of fun. You wanna come?" Colby asked as he put his boots on and grabbed the wrenches. He had a shit eatin grin on his face.

"Well I dunno." Ino said as she gave Colby a puppy dog pout, "I was hoping for dinner and some cuddle time with my fish this afternoon."

"It will be just us two and we will go out for dinner and have some us time this evening." Colby said as he wrapped Ino up his arms.

"I better get dinner and cuddle time or else." Ino said as she point a finger at him and gave him a pouting glare..

"You will get your dinner and cuddle time. I promise. At any rate, if you wanna come put your camo's on and meet me out back. I'm going to disarm the Humvee and take the big 50. cal off of it. I won't need it for this mission." Colby said as he stole a kiss before heading towards the door.

"Meet you out back then." Ino said as she closed the door and got changed.

As Colby came down stairs everyone was looking at him with questioning looks.

"Patrol mission on the old logging road on the back side of the mountain. Easy mission. Taking the Humvee." he said quickly as Ino came sliding down the railing in her camo pants and an olive green shirt. Colby turned and caught her bridal style as she came to the end. Colby set her down as his sisters looked at Ino in surprise.

"Ino you are going too?" Amanda and Suzanna asked in shock. Ino laughed as the looks on their faces.

"Yeah, I am!" Ino said as she laughed at the look on their faces. "I need to get out of the house."

"Don't you have stuff to do at the flower shop though?" Suzanna asked.

"I took care of that this morning."

"Alright, Ino. Don't want you to get in trouble for your mom and dad." Suzanna said.

"Alright let's get going before we have to do this mission in the dark." Colby said

Out back Ino and Colby took off the big 50. Cal and took off the canvas covering the bed of the Humvee. "Ready?" Colby grinned. Ino nodded and smiled as she got it and put on the seat belt. Colby got in and fired it up and floored the gas pedal sending dirt and grass spewing out behind the Humvee as it launched forward. Kicking Ino back into her seat as she grabbed the 'oh shit" handle and Colby made it drift sideways from the gate to the back yard to the street before he straightened out and backed off the gas. He looked over at Ino and saw the look of excited terror on her face and with a death grip on the handle and couldn't help but burst out laughing. Ino jumped and looked at him with a death glare.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?" Ino yelled at him as she tried to slap him.

"Me getting you ready for what we are about to do!" Colby laughed as they went down the street to the main gate and just outside the gate was a massive mud puddle. Ino looked at him with a "don't you dare" look on her face. Colby just smiled a big ol' smile. "I love you, babe". He said. She kept glaring at him.

"If I make it through this you are sooo, DEEEAAa-AAAHHHHHHHH! Ino shouted when Colby gunned the engine and it roared as the Humvee plowed into the mud sending a wall of muddy water up from the wheels and showering the Humvee. When the Humvee came out of the mud all the windows were covered in mud as the windshield wipers wiped away the mud. "AAWWW YEEAAHH!" Colby shouted.

"You are an ass you know that right?" Ino said as she rolled down the window to clean the mud off of it.

"You can be one too sometimes." Colby countered.

"Yes but I am sexy when I am and you can't deny that!" Ino said with a know-it-all smile.

There was a moment of silence in the Humvee. "I got nothing" Colby chuckled as he drove towards the old logging road.

"Damn straight you got nothing." Ino thought as they cruised steadily towards the old logging road, hitting a few mud holes but not in the same manner as the big one they first went through. The trees swayed in the wind as clouds started to roll in. The dirt road took on a slightly creepy look to it as grey clouds rolled in and the noon time sun gave way to an overcast afternoon.

"Looks like we have some weather rolling in. Hope it doesn't start down pouring and wash out the road." Colby said as they got the logging road. Colby dropped it down into four wheel drive and started to drive but stopped and parked the Humvee.

"What's wrong?" Ino asked.

"Something doesn't feel right" Colby said as he put the Humvee in drive and stared up the logging road. Colby and Ino talked as they went but always keeping a watchful eye out for anything odd.

"You gotten that oil shade off of you?"

"No! I've tried everything! But it won't come off!" Ino wined as she looked at her arms. Colby chuckled as she did "What do you use to get this off of you?"

"You know the stuff I use to clean the outside of my gun with? The green stuff in the spray bottle?" Colby said.

"Yes, what about it?" Ino looked at him confused.

"It's called Simple Green and it's a de-greaser. That's what I use." he chuckled as Ino looked at him in confused amazement.

"I've seen you use that to clean your hands off after you work on the Humvee but as regular body soap? Mud puddle!" Ino called out as the Humvee plowed through a large mud puddle and sent mud spraying all over. The wheels started spinning as the Humvee slowed to a crawl in the mud but kept moving forward.

"Come on ol Tessie don't get suck" Colby said as he rubbed the dashboard as if he was trying to coax the Humvee through the mud. Slowly the Humvee made it to the other side of the mud and found dry ground.

"What happens if we get stuck?" Ino asked nervously.

"We won't get stuck if we do, we will use the winch on the front to tie onto a large tree and pull ourselves out and if that doesn't work are you willing to have your cuddle time earlier than expected?" Colby said as he looks at Ino with a grin on his face. A light rain starts to come down as the headlights and the windshield wipers come on as they continue up the road.

"Haha. I wouldn't mind taking my cuddle time a bit early but I don't want to get stuck." Ino said as she flashed her blue eyes at Colby.

The rain picks up steadily and a thick fog rolls in while the trees on either side of the road disappear into the dense fog. Suddenly the Humvee tips drastically to one side. "Holy shit!" Ino shouts as the door on Ino's side swings wide open and Ino starts to slide out but catches herself. "Hang on!" Colby yells as hammers down on the gas and cuts the wheel to try and bring the Humvee back onto level ground. "What do you think I'm doing!" Ino yells. A moment later the Humvee bounces back onto level ground. Colby stops the Humvee and gets out to take a look. Ino follows him and both are surprised to see through the dense fog that half of the logging road washed out and the remains of an old wood bridge exposed right where the tire's on Ino's side had gone over.

"Somebody is looking out for us today." Colby said as he looked the grey overcast sky before heading back to the Humvee.

"Asuma Sensei is keeping an eye on us" Ino said as she got back to the Humvee and they carried on. Ino turned on the radio and switched it to a pop music station and a song by Lady GaGa was just coming on and Ino was moving to the beat of it. "Dafaqu is this shit?" Asks Colby as he hits a button and changed the station to country and "The Wind" by The Zac Brown Band comes jumping out of the speakers.

"Hey! What was that for!?" Ino said as she changes the station back to Lady GaGa.

"No! Not this crap music." Colby changes it back to Zac Brown Band.

"I don't want to listen to your music! This kind sounds better." Ino says as she changes it back. Colby stops the Humvee and looks at her shocked.

"There is no way that crap is better than..." An explosion suddenly rocks the road behind them "... HOLY CRAP WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?" He yelled. The two of them look back and watch as a second explosion goes off then a third and a fourth.

"Uhh, Colby those explosions are getting closer.." Ino said nervously.

"I see em." Colby slams it into gear and changes the radio to country then floors it and peels out as a fifth explosion almost lifts the rear of the Humvee. "Come on ol Tessie. Get us outah here." Explosions continue to follow Ino and Colby as they race up the logging road leaving a cloud of dust that is quickly erased by and explosion after explosion. The dense fog and the rain add to the danger as visibility of the road ranges from decent to nothing at all. If the explosions don't get them then road might.

"Hang on!" Colby shouted as the Humvee hits a small pile of logs that were lying across the road and the Humvee takes to the air and lands back on all fours. In the rear view mirror Ino catches a glimpse of a paper bomb in midair before it explodes.

"A paper bomb? So that's what has been causing the explosions. Hey I think we got a unwanted hitch hiker with us. Cause there is no way a person could keep up with us." Ino said as an explosion lifts up the rear of the Humvee.

"Awesome... Old Tessie is going to hate me after this." Colby said as he stomps down on the gas and took dead aim at a rather large pot hole that had a lake of mud in it.

"Who is Tessie?" Ino asked "You better not be cheating on me."

" Now aint the time to be making accusations like that but Tessie is the Humvee, Ino. Back home a vehicle that gets named Old Tess, or Tessie is said to be high in good luck. We are going to need all the luck we can get" Colby said as the next mud puddle came in front of them. "Hydroplaning time."

"Hydroplaning?" Ino question as she saw the mud hole. She braced herself for a shower of mud but none came as the Humvee skimmed across the top of the mud. Behind them explosions continued to chase them as they hit a large rock just at the edge of the mud and Colby's side of the Humvee went airborne while Ino's side stayed on the ground. After a few seconds the Humvee slammed back down on all four wheels

." Yee-Haw! Almost rolled her over!" Colby said as he slammed on the brakes then hammered back on the gas. "Ino can you sense if we have anyone else with us?"

"Holy shit! I can but I've never tried while on the run from paper bombs." Ino said as first collected her nerves then made hand signs for sensing chakra. It was difficult for her to concentrate with all the pot holes and mud holes Colby was hitting and driving through but eventually Ino was able to get a lock.

"I got one and they are right under the back end of the truck." Ino said.

"Ok... oh shit." Up ahead a bridge was out but it appeared to be a small bridge. "I think we can make it." Ino look to Colby. "ARE YOU NUTS!? We won't make it! The bridge is out!" Ino protested.

"Do you want to get blown up?" Colby asked.

"No not really..."

"Have you seen Dukes of Hazard?." He asked.

"Yeah? What does that have to do with anything?"

"Close your eyes and imaging the General Lee running from Rosco" Colby said as the gave the gas right to it. He had that engine cracking for all it was worth. The tachometer was hitting 4500 rpm. Ino thought the engine was going to explode from the noise that was coming out of it as she closed her eyes as tight as they would go and had a death grip on the "oh shit" handle. They smashed though the rotted blockade and hit a berm and went airborne over a washed out bridge.

"YYEEEEEEEEE-HHHAAAAAAAAWWWWWW!" Colby shouted as for a few seconds he and Ino became weightless in the flying Humvee. The nose started to dip as the Humvee's landed with a thud and bounced back up as the rear tires hit the dirt and brought the front tires back down. Ino opened her eyes as the bouncing stopped and looked behind her and spotted a figure rolling in the mud behind them.

"Turn around, turn around!" she shouted "We made it! Thank God!"

The road opened into an old staging yard and Colby cranked the wheel over and they drifted sideways around in a circle. As they came around the back passenger side tire started to go into a ditch but it violently bounced back out. The engine was cranking for all it was worth as Colby swung the Humvee around as blasted toward the figure that was standing in the road. "You are dead now!" Colby said as he kicked the Humvee into 2 wheel drive and regained the gears he needed for speed back. Mud and dirt were flying from the back tires as Colby hammered down and the black brush guard on the grill of the Humvee closed in rapidly on the figure as it started to move out of the way. Steel met flesh in a mini explosion of blood and guts that were sent flying all over the hood and windshield of the Humvee. The Humvee skidded to a stop as Colby and Ino looked behind them at the figure. After a moment the figure started to move again.

"You are not going to get away. You little bastard." Colby said as he slammed it into reverse and floored it and ran over the figure. The squishing sound of a skull being flattened was drowned out by the roar of the engine as a slight bump was felt. Colby brought the Humvee to an easy stop before putting the Humvee in park.

"Shall we?" Colby said as he grabbed a katana from the back seat. Ino nodded nervously as the two got out and cautiously approached the bloody mess in the road. The only sounds were of the rain lightly coming down and the deep rumble of the idling Humvee.

"Well you surely did a thorough job of making sure he was dead, there Rambo." Ino said as she looked away from the pile of bloody flesh. A metallic shine caught her eye through the mud and went over and picked it up.

"Hey check this out." Ino said as she wiped off the metal object and showed it to Colby.

"It's a headband!?" Colby said questioningly as he took it. The headband was just about folded back onto its self. "From the Hidden Sound Village?"

"Let's get back to the village ASAP." Ino said as Colby nodded in agreement and the two raced back to the Humvee and took off for the village.


End file.
